I Actually Want to Date, Ya'll!

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I feel like I’ve changed a lot over the past six weeks of taking this course.  In my General Psychology class this week I learned that the definition of learning is a change in behavior.  In that case, I am learning a lot from Family Relations.
            This week was called “Preparation for Marriage” and we talked mostly about dating.  Because of past experiences, I’ve been anti-anything-to-do-with-men for a long time (see: dating!), but I loved this week’s class discussions.  I learned what a date is and what it isn’t, the steps of dating, why proper dating is important, and some other principles/truths that I’m not sure how to categorize but would also like to share with you.

What a Date Is
One of the things that I love about this class (or really about the social sciences) is that it explains or defines very basic human things that most people don’t think to define.  I like definitions, I like to know what I’m saying before I go ahead and say it, and in Family Relations this week we defined what a date is.  According to Elder Dallin H. Oaks “A “date” must pass the test of three p’s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off” in order to be called a date (Ensign, “Dating Versus Hanging Out”, June 2006). 

And Is Not
A date is not a long-term commitment!  It’s an hour or two commitment.  This means that a date is not. a. big. deal!  It doesn’t mean that the couple must go out again, that they are more than good friends, that they are good friends...it simply means that they wanted to spend a little time together and find out.  This was super helpful for me.  I don’t think that this is actually how people see a date anymore, but it’s how a date is defined! and if people would see it this way, then I think that they would go out more.  So why go out more?

Why Dating is Important
Proper dating prepares individuals and couples for marriage!  For example, according to The Family: A Proclamation to the World, the role of a husband and father is to preside, provide, and protect.  By planning for a date, a man is practicing his presiding skills; by providing or paying for the necessities of the date, he practices providing for a family; and by pairing off, he is now responsible for the specific protection of his date (by taking care of her and making sure she’s okay during the time they spend together).  Going on dates that fulfill the three p’s also helps to satisfy the three elements that John Van Epp, author of How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, says are required in truly getting to know someone: time, togetherness (which means sharing a variety of experiences together), and talking (58).  If the couple is doing something specific together, then togetherness is covered, and this activity should give the couple an opportunity to talk one-on-one (if there isn’t this opportunity, then your date is not constructive or healthy, it’s pointless; don’t do it).  Healthy, assortive dating leads to knowing a lot of different people with different personality types.  This will give the individual valuable people experience and will (hopefully) help him/her find someone that they are interested in forming a long-term relationship with and will lead to courtship (a trial period of exclusive dating) and marriage.

The Miscellaneous Bit
There were so many other wonderful things that came up in class.  I wish that everyone could have been there to hear them.  But since they weren’t and I don’t  have a transcript of our discussion, I’ll just share one thing that really stood out to me.
When a woman gives birth, a large amount of the hormone oxytocin is released into her bloodstream, which is what helps her bond so strongly to her child.  When a woman kisses someone, she also experiences tiny uterine contractions and oxytocin is released.  Because of this, women become easily attached to the men (or women, if that’s the deal) that they kiss.  This means that with each new smooching partner, the attachment that they will have for a future partner grows less and less.  In other words, the more men a woman kisses, the harder it will be for her to be attached to her husband.  I’ve felt like kisses should be saved for the person that you will marry for about a year and a half now.  It was nice to have my feelings confirmed.  Always trust your gut, people.

The Miracle
I want to date now.  I’ve gone from “I hate guys” to “I want somebody to ask me out.”  That’s pretty miraculous to me. 
God is good, people. 


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