Parenting

The Purpose of Parenting

            I believe that the purpose of parenting is to help other people (i.e. children) reach their full potential and have the best experience possible in this life by teaching and giving them guidance and providing for their needs (including love and play needs). Parenting is also a way for the parent to learn and grow. Something that I have observed while studying this topic is that it takes a lot of maturity to parent properly. Parenting isn’t behaviorism (rewarding good behavior and punishing the bad in order to get the behavior we want), it’s teaching our children how to function successfully in the world that they live in. That takes a lot of patience, time, effective communication, and respect on the part of the parent.

The Need for Parenting

In 2019 sociologists are worried about “doormat,” or egalitarian, parenting. Parents don’t parent because they don’t want to be domineering or controlling, so they let the child make his/her own decisions and rules. The motivation behind this is great, but the method is unhealthy for the child. Children need rules, they need boundaries. Imagine waking up one day to find out that overnight you had suddenly become the most powerful being in the universe. Would you be overjoyed, or would you pull the covers back over your head and cry? When Brother Williams asked us in class how we would feel about this kind of situation not a single one of wished it upon ourselves and several class members spoke up saying that thought was terrifying to them. In a similar way, parents who refuse to parent make their child the most powerful being in his or her own world and that is terrifying to them. They’re underdeveloped both physically and cognitively and they don’t have a wiser guide in life to help them figure it out. The need for parents to step up and provide rules and boundaries and enforce them is critical to the child’s wellbeing. It makes me think about one of my favorite novels, The Outsiders. In the novel, a young man named Bob jumps a boy from the other side of the tracks and in self-defense this boy pulls out a knife and kills Bob. Bob’s friend Randy explains that Bob’s parents were wealthy and let him do whatever he wanted. No matter how drunk he got, how wildly he partied, what kind of trouble he caused, they would just bail him out and not say anything about his rotten behavior. He just kept pushing and pushing, Randy said, because he wanted them to give him a limit, and they never did. Both animals and people will test the limits in their lives. It’s natural and healthy. We need to know how far we can get in every area in order to function successfully within our environments. It is up to parents to ensure that these boundaries are set, safe, appropriate, and secure for their children.

Logical Consequences

When parents have a problem with their child’s behavior, one way to teach that child is to provide logical consequences for their actions.  Introducing a logical consequence is not the first step in resolving the problem, polite requests and explanations should come beforehand, but if the problem persists then formulating a logical consequence is the action that needs to be taken. This method was created by Dr. Michael Popkin as a part of his Active Parenting program. As the name implies, the consequence must be logically connected to both the problem and to naturally occurring consequences. For example, if Brother Williams leaves his bike out on the lawn as a child (he did) it could get damaged or stolen and the natural consequence would eventually be that he would not be able to ride it. The logical consequence in this situation, then, would be for his parents to take it away for a while to teach him in a very concrete way that if he leaves his bike out on the lawn, he won’t be able to use it (which is what they did). Logical consequences are always discussed with the child, just as public laws are always posted. This can be done using an If...Then statement: “If you don’t put your bike away, then I’ll take it away for a few days because... (explain natural consequence).” The logical consequence must take effect immediately and the parent must act like a responsible adult and keep their end of the bargain, or the If...Then statement was just a threat. Giving second chances is another significant factor of logical consequences. People learn by repetition, and, once again, the parent is teaching. If the parent were to say, “Pick that up or I’m throwing it away and you’ll never see it again,” they aren’t teaching, they’re threatening.

Failure

The devil hates good marriages and good families because these things are God’s work and glory. He desperately wants us to fail to achieve these things. One of the ways that he can prevent good people from having good families is by putting fear into their minds about their ability to succeed. We know that we can do all things with God’s help. Don’t listen to the devil ya’ll. Yes, we will fail—countless times—but God will help us to do his work and all things work out for those that love him (Romans 8:28). Prepare and have faith.

Good luck out there :)