Why Boys Are Great

            This week in Family Relations I learned about boys. :)  Sort of.  In class on Tuesday, while listening to a discussion about gender differences, I had a clarifying realization about a past experience that demonstrated to me just how valuable our gender differences are and why we should identify and encourage them instead of constantly dragging them through the mud of gender homogenization.  I would like to share my experience and subsequent clarification.

            Last semester I was somewhat attracted to two guys.  We’ll call them Paul and Jake for privacy’s sake.  Because I’d had zero friends in the past seven or so years (and when I say zero, I’m talking zero, people; we lived in the middle of nowhere and I was homeschooled) I didn’t know what to do.  I liked both of them, I wanted to be friends with both of them, but due to unlovely circumstances I had no clue as to how that was to be accomplished.

 In the first instance, I decided to plunge headlong and just be honest and tell Paul that I liked him and that I thought that he was a cool person (i.e. let’s be friends).  He said ‘ditto, but we can’t be more than friends’ and I was like, ‘cool, mission accomplished, albeit awkwardly’.  And then I didn’t see him again for like three weeks except for glimpses at Church and he seemed to be avoiding me. 

            And then there was Jake.  We had a class together and sometimes we would talk, but I wanted to see him more often than that because I liked talking to him (and he wore cowboy boots and knew which direction North was—unlike a lot of folks I’d met), and I didn’t know how to make that happen either.  I didn’t know what he was thinking!  What if he had a girlfriend for heaven’s sake!  What if he didn’t actually like talking to me!  I couldn’t just ask him to come hang out; I didn’t know him that well!  But I did know where one of his other classes was.  Should I kind of sort of stalk him and just so happen to be there when he showed up so that we could talk?

            That was the exact question that I was debating when I called my mom one afternoon to ask for advice.  But I didn’t get my mom, I got my little brother. 

“Where’s mom?”

“Outside.”

“Do you wanna listen to my boy problems?’

“Not really.”

“Pleaase.”

He gave in.  “Whatever”.

I started off by explaining the situation.  And then my mind was blown as he started to tell me exactly what to do (and not to do).  And it made sense! 

“Don’t stalk him, that’s creepy.  When you see him, talk to him; when you don’t see him, deal with it.  Be patient, and ‘Just Do It’.”

Like I said, mind blown.  “How do you know this stuff??” I asked.  “You’re 14-years-old and you act like a dork all of the time!”

“I don’t know,” he said calmly. 

“Okay, well if you have all of the answers then tell me what to do about Paul,” I demanded.

“Give me the back story.”

I did.

“Okay, so you think he’s avoiding you?”

Yup.

“Ask him if he’s avoiding you.”

“What?!”

“Ask him if he’s avoiding you.  If he says no and squirms, then assume yes and press harder.  I think he really likes you.  Once he breaks you can ask him why and work through things.”

“What if he isn’t actually avoiding me?” 

“If I’m wrong, then...you can’t kill a dead cat.  But I don’t think I’m wrong”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“If you try to shock something back to life and there’s a little life in it, then you’ll succeed.  If it’s totally dead then you won’t help the situation, but you can’t hurt it either.  If he likes you, it’ll help.  If he doesn’t, then nothing will change.  Besides, he’s leaving next semester and you’ll never have to see him again.”

O-oh.  “Where did you get this wisdom again?”

“I don’t know.”

I tried it.  Both of it.  And it worked great.  I didn’t end up being friends with either of those guys like I wanted to be, but it sorted things out in a hurry, and that was all that really mattered.  And it was all thanks to my genius little brother, who usually strikes me more as a brother and less as a genius.

I had temporarily forgotten about all of that until this past Tuesday in class.  As we talked about the differences between men and women the lightbulb came on. 

In general, women see the bigger picture with all of its connections.  They’re very relationship-oriented, whether that comes to giving directions (it’s by the big tree) or to human relationships (how will this affect the people around me?), and they’re great at communication, thanks to the large amount of connective tissue between the emotional and verbal areas of their brains, but generally speaking women aren’t so great at logistics.  On the other hand, men are.  Guys are more myopic.  They compartmentalize, they see the facts narrowly—without so much of the surrounding, relationship-based meaning that women do.  In a way, their heads are clearer.  There is less of a big network of meaning and relationships and more of separate drawers for everything.

My realization was that my little brother had seemed so wise to me because he could see my problem clearly, as straight facts without the complex tangle of connections and perceived meanings that I saw.  He was thinking logistically (because it came easily to him ) in a situation where I couldn’t.

In my not-so-humble opinion, this is why gender roles are so great.  There is a movement in our society to get rid of the differences between men and women.  Women are ridiculed for being feminine and men are ridiculed for being masculine.  My question is “What role are we supposed to take on then, if both are shamed?”  and my point is that the movement unnecessary.  There is a literal biological difference that is difficult if not impossible to change and we can use it to our advantage.  When I need logistics or some extra physical strength, a guy can help me.  When one of my male friends needs some help being more connective and communicative, then I can help him.  I believe that that is what God intended, and that it can help us all learn to be interdependent and to love one another as the amazingly unique individuals that we are.

Let’s all embrace who we are and work together, people.  It can make the world a better place.